Every Vegas trip begins with some optimism.
You’re going to stick to your budget. You’re not going to stay up until the sun rises, then wake up in the afternoon with a handful of ATM receipts. You’re going to eat somewhere nice without spending a mortgage payment. You’re going to gamble responsibly. And you’re definitely not going to spend 45 minutes walking around a casino looking for an exit.
Then you get to Vegas.
And within six hours, every promise you made to yourself is dead in a ditch somewhere between the blackjack table and a $19 airport sandwich.
Here are the lies we keep telling ourselves. Feel free to add your own.
1. “I’ll stick to my budget.”
You will not. The budget was a suggestion you made to yourself while still at home, fully clothed, and not staring at a menu with a $28 cocktail on it. By night two the budget is in a shallow grave next to the receipt for the second bottle of wine you “had to try.” Best you can do is keep away from the ATM, because that’s where shit can turn south…. Fast!!
2. “I’ll get plenty of sleep.”
This one always makes me laugh my ass off. We often work remote while staying on the strip, and it never…. works..😆 The group chat will light up, you think you’re on a run at the tables, or some bar next door will start playing a song you like. You’ll look at the clock, do the math on how many hours of sleep you can still get if you leave right now, and then order another round. Honestly though, this is the one rule you should be breaking.
3. “I’ll eat somewhere nice without spending a fortune.”
NOPE! This is one of my biggest complaints about Vegas, or really anywhere these days. Take your dining budget, and then triple it, especially if you want to hit any of those “influencer spots”. Honestly, few are worth the extra cost if you know how to grill a decent steak at home, go for the experience and try different things… Thats how I try and justify it.
4. “I’ll gamble responsibly.”
Responsible is a flexible word once you’re sitting down. “I’ll just play with this $100” turns into “I’ll just get back to even” turns into “well, now I have to stay until I hit something.” You will not leave when you said you would. You will leave when the money or the willpower runs out. Usually the money gets tired first. This is where you need to focus on whatever budget you set for yourself. Figure out your daily gambling budget and stick to this one.
5. “Everything on the Strip is within reasonable walking distance.”
It is not. Your eyes lied to you. The person who said “it’s only a 10-minute walk” has never done that walk in 95 degrees or after three drinks. You will start walking, realize you’ve been walking for 18 minutes, and then call a car while standing in front of the place you were trying to reach. This is why hotel location is so important, stay in the area you like to be in.
6. “I’ll only have one drink.”
So, this is always the lie I end up telling myself. You will have one drink. Then the server will come back at the exact moment you’re deciding whether to have another, and you will say yes because saying no feels like more work. The second one will be better than the first. The fourth one will be a story you tell later with less detail than it deserves. The bill is the actual story though…
7. “I’ll use the gym.”
This is a way to feel better about that “resort fee”. You will bring the clothes. You will look at the gym when you walk past it. You will think about how good you’ll feel if you go. Maybe sweat some of that alcohol out… Then you will remember that you’re on vacation and the gym will still be there when you get home. It will not still be there. You will not go.
8. “I won’t buy anything from the gift shop.”
I stick to this and not hitting the ATM as a religion. You will walk in for a water, ok a Beer. You will leave with beer, water, a snack you didn’t need, a souvenir that seemed funny in the moment, and the quiet knowledge that you just paid more than airport prices for all of it. Plan a pregame with room supplies, or you will do this more than once.
9. “I’ll check in online and skip the line.”
You did everything the app told you to do, and now you’re standing in a line anyway, watching someone explain their entire rewards history to an employee who absolutely did not ask for the director’s cut. If at a Caesars property, the kiosk is likely broken. The app timed out. The line will move. Eventually. This is why I stick to MGM properties, I’ve yet to have an app issue, and spare me the $20 trick talk, I call before and ask for an upgrade, no line, no tip, use the app.
10. “This place is worth the hype.”
Sometimes it is. Often it is not. You will still go because someone said it was “the move,” and then you will spend the meal quietly calculating whether the lighting and the view are covering for the fact that the food is fine, or you let the bill try and convince you that what you paid was worth it. The brain is a powerful weapon.. The bill will not care about your calculations. This applies to almost every steakhouse in Las Vegas.
11. “I’ll leave after this hand.”
You will not. You will play the hand. You will win just enough to stay. You will lose just enough to stay. The hand was never the point. You’re either waiting for that $100 “free cocktail” you ordered, or you just didn’t want the night to be over.
12. “I’ll be smarter about this next time.”
You will not. You will remember the parts that went well and conveniently forget the parts that cost you. You will tell yourself the next trip will be different because you’ll plan better, eat less, sleep more, and walk less. Then you will book the trip and immediately start making the same promises to yourself that you just broke. Another lie I tell myself.
Your turn.
What’s the biggest lie you tell yourself every time you go to Vegas?
-Jason
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As always, my thoughts are my own; they are NOT sponsored. I pay for my experiences, and I reserve the right to praise and talk shit about whoever and wherever I feel warranted… Hope you enjoy!