đ The Vegas Personality Test
A Holiday Gift From Vegas Uncomped (This Will Absolutely Expose You)
Vegas does something very specific to people. Everyone swears theyâre a âgoodâ guest, but half of you are terrorizing the hotel staff before noon. I wanted to correct the balance and add some Holiday fun (or pissed off self-realization) to everyone!
So hereâs my holiday gift, free of charge and painfully accurate:
The Vegas Personality Test.
This isnât some type of a quiz. Itâs a vibe check. Here are the guidelines (because Iâm not a fan of rules)
Answer honestly, not how you think you behave, but how you actually act when the room isnât ready, and the influencer lied.
Four letters. One pattern. No forms. If one letter keeps showing up, well..âŚ
Vegas already knows.
If you feel attacked, relax.
Itâs Christmas.
Letâs begin.
1. Your hotel room isnât ready at check-in.
A) âNo worries,â drop your bags, and hit the bar like this was the plan all along
B) Smile politely while calculating exactly how much leverage you have without becoming that guest
C) Stand silently at the desk, arms crossed, radiating Yelp Karen energy
D) Announce this never happens in Europe, and Vegas has officially âlost the mindâ
2. You tried the $20 trick an influencer swore âstill works.â
A) It works, and you never shut up about it
B) It fails, but you calmly pivot like a Vegas ninja
C) It fails, and you spiral into a front-desk TED Talk
D) It fails, and you post about it like you were personally scammed
3. You sit at the bar. Cocktails start at $25.
A) Order anyway, youâre already here
B) Ask whatâs actually worth it, subtly judging the overpriced menu
C) Mutter âthis used to be $12â and drink it anyway
D) Snap a photo, complain online, then drink it to forget your rage
4. Table service meal, inflated menu, mandatory 22% service fee, server barely checked in.
A) Smile, nod, tip anyway â Vegas chaos is a feature, not a bug.
B) Do the math, tip what you think they earned, and sip your overpriced cocktail.
C) Roll your eyes, mutter, âIf you canât tip 30%, donât eat out,â and mentally roast everyone else.
D) Leave a zero, a sarcastic note, and post the experience like a Vegas whistleblower.
5. A fake showgirl in an Amazon stripper costume grabs your ass on the Strip.
A) Laugh it off â Vegas, baby
B) Ask security where the line actually is
C) Argue about consent while dressed for the club
D) Yell âTHIS IS WHY VEGAS IS DYINGâ
6. You hit a hand pay.
A) Feel invincible, like you own the Strip
B) Tip well and bask in your luck
C) Immediately calculate taxes and regret your life choices
D) Assume the casino is about to find a way to screw you anyway
7. Youâre charged a resort fee for Wi-Fi everyone else gets free.
A) Shrug, pay, and move on, Vegas is expensive, duh
B) Politely ask if it can be waived
C) Add it to your growing Vegas rage file (the one on your desktop)
D) Shout âthis should be illegalâ while begrudgingly paying
8. Your Uber driver pretends not to understand English, loudly speaking Spanish on the phone the whole ride. You:
A) Roll with it, nod, enjoy the free entertainment.
B) Switch to Spanish mid-conversation, get a sly grin, and ride in peace.
C) Complain in English, muttering about the customer service collapse.
D) Give one star with no tip, and mock them online later.
9. Fremont vs. the Strip.
A) Love the grit, thatâs the point
B) Like both, depending on mood and drink availability
C) Think Fremont feels more like Vegas now than most of the Strip
D) Complain about both equally while secretly enjoying the chaos
10. Someone says, âVegas just isnât what it used to be.â
A) Nod knowingly, youâve been here, you get it
B) Say âyeah, but parts still workâ, reality check mode
C) Launch into a speech about overpriced drinks, fake vibes, and mob-era lessons
D) Start drafting your next X post in your head, angrily
HOW TO SCORE YOUR VEGAS PERSONALITY TEST
Count how many times you picked A, B, C, or D. No overthinking. No fake aspirational points. This is Vegas truth, baby.
Mostly Aâs â âThe Chill Compedâ
Youâre the person who treats Vegas like itâs a playground, not a battlefield. Rooms late? Drinks expensive? Time-share sharks lurking? Doesnât matter. You improvise, hit the bar, and somehow look cooler than everyone else losing their minds. Vegas secretly loves you. Youâre the friend everyone wants at the craps table because you bring the fun, not the drama.
Mostly Bâs â âThe Calculated Playerâ
You notice the fine print, weigh your options, and act like a Vegas ninja. Resort fees? Checked. Influencer hacks? Evaluated. Hand pays? Tipped accordingly. Youâre not here to ruin anyoneâs day, but you will quietly school anyone dumb enough to follow a bad Instagram hack. Youâre Vegas smart, kind of like walking through Fremont with a permanent skeptical eyebrow raised.
Mostly Câs â âThe Outraged Touristâ
Youâre the person who writes Yelp reviews in your head while standing at a bar. Overpriced drinks, slow service, showgirls grabbing ass - the world is a crime scene and youâre filing the paperwork. You care deeply about fairness, quality, and the ârealâ Vegas, and youâll let everyone know when itâs gone off the rails. Your friends love you⌠until you start the TED Talk.
Mostly Dâs â âThe Vegas Revolutionaryâ
Youâre anger personified, but in a fun, performative way. Every scam, inflated menu, resort fee, or influencer hack makes you scream inside (or out loud). You post about it, you warn strangers, you bring receipts. Vegas is your battleground, and youâre ready to start a manifesto. Bonus points if youâre also the person posting screenshots on X.
The Point (Because There Is One)
Vegas hasnât changed as much as people think.
How you react to it has. And once you see your letterâŚ
You canât unsee it.
If this made you laugh, argue, or feel personally attacked, thatâs the entire point of Vegas Uncomped.
Drop your letter in the comments.
Or donât, and let everyone assume it was D.
Better yet
Merry Christmas!
Jason
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