Why I Didn’t Stay at the Dirty Castle
Is “It’s Just a Place to Sleep” a Vegas Lie ?
Last week we were back on the Strip, and if you follow me on socials, you already know we were upgraded to a great suite at MGM. I promise a full review of that stay is coming soon.
But I’m still tired. Possibly hungover. And in the spirit of honesty, you’re getting Excalibur first.
Just to see what it was like, we booked a night at Excalibur as a comp through the MyVegas app. My wife spends an impressive amount of time grinding that thing, so we try to use it whenever possible. We also didn’t want two stays entirely under our player status and risk muddying future offers. We absolutely attached the reservation to our MGM Rewards account because Gold means no resort fees, and I enjoy small wins. If ya wanna see the easy way to get gold… Read this👇
I’ve always loved Excalibur’s theming. A medieval castle dropped into the middle of the desert is ridiculous in exactly the way Vegas should be ridiculous. The casino floor itself is still pretty solid. It’s lively, compact, and offers $3 Sauza margaritas, which automatically improves any situation. People-watching alone is worth a lap.
As a casino, Excalibur is fine.
The Stuff That Mostly Works
While we were there, we checked out the new tiki bar. The main area was closed, but we managed to grab a coconut margarita at the front bar. It was… fine. Nothing to complain about. Nothing to remember. If you’ve ever been to Golden Tiki, this won’t impress you. It also feels like an odd choice thematically. You’ve got a medieval castle and went with tiki? That feels like a missed opportunity for something far more on-theme.
Check-in is where things start to wobble.
We’re supposedly a digital society now, but watching people struggle with kiosks and apps says otherwise. We checked in online in about a minute. The digital key worked without issue. If you want a physical key, you can grab one using the MGM app and a small check-in stand in about 30 seconds.
Always check in online. Always use your rewards account.
Despite that, there was still a line. Kiosks were operational. Staff was available. An employee was manning the kiosks, similar to that stupid self-checkout at the grocery store; people getting room keys from the app were not following instructions.
Excalibur’s Other Problem: Food
Before we even talk about the room, Excalibur needs better dining options.
The food court is decent. TAP Sports Bar is fine. Dick’s Last Resort is… Dick’s. There’s a massive, mostly empty Johnny Rockets that feels abandoned. A giant Buca di Beppo that feels like a time capsule. And the buffet, which still exists.
Tournament of Kings is still one of the OG dinner shows and honestly worth doing once with friends for the sheer novelty of it. But this property could really use refreshed dining concepts. Something modern. Something intentional.
Right now, it feels like leftovers.
Now Let’s Talk About the Room
I don’t remember the last time I stayed at Excalibur, but it’s been over ten years. I’ve always felt Luxor was a cleaner budget option, and half the time Mandalay Bay or Park MGM prices aren’t much higher, and all of those are a far better stay if looking for a bargain.
But this was intentional.
I wanted to see what Excalibur is actually like right now.
We walked past the tiki bar toward the recently renovated Resort Tower and immediately noticed it. A smell of shit! Subtle at first. Wrong, but not aggressive.
Then we got to the 24th floor.
Holy hell.
Bleach.
Everywhere.
It smelled like a Clorox factory had a chemical spill. And that smell followed us straight into the room. This wasn’t the scent of cleanliness. This was bleach desperately trying to cover something else. Something sewer-adjacent. A mix of shit and chemicals that no hotel should ever remind you of.
The blacklight didn’t come through perfectly on video, but honestly, it didn’t need to. This was my first attempt using it as a goof to see how dirty the dirty castle could be.. I’ll get better, I promise. It turned out to be pretty scary.
There was splatter on the bathroom walls. Splatter on the main room walls. The lamp was ripped. The shower head looked like it had survived several decades of neglect. Somehow, all of that grime survived the bleach apocalypse.
The AC? Ice cold. Those old-school under-window units still do their job. There was a tiny fridge. And housekeeping was thoughtful enough to leave behind the previous guest’s flip-flops.
A souvenir from the Dirty Castle.
“It’s Just a Place to Sleep” Is a Lie
I’m sure I’ll hear from the Excalibur loyalists. I always do.
But I’m going to say this plainly: there are far nicer places to stay in Vegas for the same price or not much more.
Do I think you should visit Excalibur?
Yes.
Grab a drink at Dick’s. Sit at the bar and give it back to the bartenders. Do Tournament of Kings with friends. Walk the casino. Sip a $3 margarita and people-watch.
But stay there?
No.
Vegas has far too much to offer to live by the “I only sleep there” rule. Your hotel sets the tone for your trip whether you admit it or not. And when your room smells like bleach and regret, the vibe is already dead.
Stay elsewhere.
Vegas has better options.
Unless shit and Clorox is your scent of choice.
-Jason
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